There is not OOTB Perl program that does all of those things.
You will need to use multiple plug-ins (which is acceptable) or write your own that all of them at once.
CA does not provide a plug-in for Windows other than disk and process monitoring. If installing Perl on your Windows server is not an option, consider using VBScript or PowerShell. In both cases, you will need to write your own.
I don't know how much time I have to help write something, but it's fairly easy task using either language. the biggest thing is getting the output to a format readable by EPA. I would recommend using the XML format for the output since it gives the most flexibility. All of this is documented on the guide.